cheers to change

Each year that blows by has a style of disheveling me in a way that has me plastered by the end of it & dissolving into denial by distraction. I know, it sounds dramatic, & it’s true in that no matter how trying a year may have been, it will always be essential to my growth & a predominant reason to the place in which I am today. Nevertheless, there has been an annual algorithm in my years that have seamlessly stitched themselves together. It all just sort of seemed the same.

This year was different. This year I felt raw in my ability to feel, remember & relish in it all. The confusion, the pain, the neutralism in the months falling between the highs & lows & all the bliss that followed thereafter. I feel as if I was born this year. I suddenly feel awake. When I was 17, I told myself that 27 would be my year. I felt that there was something subtle stirring through my core to connect me to a time in which everything began to tie itself together. This year around March, I threw in the towel on anything & anyone who served no value to my life. I trimmed the toxins that came in forms of food, vices & people posing as friends. I didn’t care about networking because business meant nothing to me unless it was done with people who I could build relationships with. I really felt like I lacked that in my life, & if it meant being alone for a while, then I was okay with that. I knew that it was a short sacrifice to a life more solid & sweet.

I remained committed, as I am today, to days of discipline & internal communication about what I was really searching for. I still don’t know the answer to that question, but I no longer care to seek it. What matters most, is that in every moment that I’m present, I am so in a way that is enlivening to both myself & to those around me. As a human being who’s here to learn, I will never be liberated from failure, or released from the self-imposed clutch of fear, doubt & anger. All I know is that I’m constantly willing to work for what feels right.

My resolution didn’t start on January 1st, it started when it was time. & the journey, it never ends. Goals are met, fresh thoughts are sprouted & the cyclic actions of ambition begin again. The only accomplishment that you could ever truly meet is the awareness of knowing that you have always been who you have always wanted to be. You know it because you feel it.

& in this upcoming year of 2010, layers of change lie thick on the horizon. Changes with this website, which has solely remained as a series of literary essays of the things that I love, & changes with my life of which include the people & places that I sincerely adore & want to learn more about.

So in conclusion to my condensed thoughts on this last year alone, I say cheers to change & to those who are courageous enough to constantly cycle through it.

Happy New Year to you & to the ones you love.